Friday, November 02, 2007

Airplane Flashbacks: "You have something on your nose."

Revealed here is a self portrait that leaves nothing to the imagination. It is a disgusting vision, that is certain. You may wonder why a woman would want to project such an image and how she has been able to maintain employment when you learn she has been seen in uniform wearing a similar decoration on her nose.

It is actually a therapeutic technique I have developed known as "Booger Therapy". I have used this effectively with males of all ages who are fearsome fliers. The booger is actually a piece of lime. Sometimes, I'll fall back on it out of boredom (mine or passengers) because it always causes somewhat of an uproar. Those that get the biggest kick out of this are boys in the age range of 5 to 12. I'll show them the trick and let them spring it on the unsuspecting.

There was once a precocious boy of about 10, traveling with his mother in first class to Maui. He was not having a good flight,so I showed him the joke.  I asked the boy if he was going to try it on his mother. His reply "It would be a lot funnier if you did it." I thought the better of it but he would not let up. Toward the end of the flight I relented and when they left the mother said it was the best flight she ever had because her son had such a fun time.
DISCLAIMER: If any of my readers are probationary flight attendants, I would wait until you are on the line for 6 months before you attempt it because it is certainly not management sanctioned.

Over many years, I have conducted a study using the lime booger. Flight attendants, who are not lime-booger savvy will say "You have something on your nose" to warn you not to walk out in the aisle. When I have visited the cockpit, male pilots will say NOTHING! Female pilots will usually warn me using the subtle "something on the nose" approach but if all the pilots are men, not a word! I have asked them the reason and they usually clam up. Never have been able to understand the reason for this.

Update as of June 2011... Booger therapy does not convey a professional image of authority that is needed in today's world so it was grounded some time ago. You may see it reappear in some earthbound restaurant locations.