Gassy is a part of Legasy

For the past year, I have flown out of the Las Vegas base for Gassy. It is a lower cost (all coach) part of the larger operation of Legacy Airlines. Flight attendants sometimes refer to the passengers  as "gassy people". I have to let you in on a secret. The passengers are no more gassy than some of the flight attendants. I flew with a guy who would pass out water but said he had to go "crop dusting."  So if you didn't have enough to worry about when aloft, add something else to your list.

I only have one trip left in the Gassy operation since I've transferred to the San Francisco domicile. This will enable me to fly International once again and fulfill my dream of actually living in Hobbs! It's a bit of a commute but not that uncommon.

(Update as of June 5, 2011...that gassy flight attendant has since retired and the entire Gassy operation no longer exists. Join me in a deep breath of relief). 

"I'm a librarian for the Santa Ana Public Library."

That is what my evil twin used to answer when asked where she worked. In her youth, she wasn't comfortable with the stereotypes and line of questioning that followed the truth. It's amazing the difference a few decades can make. She no longer cares so much about what other people think. Our mom Sparky would have asked "Who gives a rat's ****?" and she had the right idea. Years ago, that twin actually carried on this librarian hoax for 6 months with what was to become a most life changing relationship. It was a case of "when two personalities meet and there is a reaction, both are transformed". Having actually spent a lot of time in the Santa Ana Public Library, it was an easy con to pull off.  She's always been a fan of librarians who Stewart Brand referred to as subversive because they share all kinds of information. Their image is every bit as inaccurate as the one of flight attendants.

Speaking of books, I'm always hauling a few around. Since I have to hoist my own bag sometimes multiple times a day, they contribute to a heavy load. Passing through O'Hare in the concourse between terminals, I saw this ad which I had to photograph. It reminded me of that stereotype of librarians which is so wrong.  Seems like a cool product and I know Amazon makes a similar product called the Kindle which they have advertised on my blog. It is actually possible to own one of these devices and carry 200 books and still not have to check your bag! Amazing!  You know the technology will only improve. You can also subscribe to several newspapers and access all the information on this machine. I must admit I like the feel of a real newspaper or book but as these devices become closer to replicating an actual book or paper, it seems like they may change the face of publishing. 

Legacy Airlines Flight Attendants Way Hotter Than Virgin American Super Models!

Richard Branson, my dander is fired up! So you hired supermodels for an inflight fashion show. What a PR gimmick! Many non-airline bloggers are so impressed dissing the "legacy carriers" for their lack of sex appeal. I've seen your billboards in London and Sydney that compare me and my fellow flight attendants to grandmas! You would have an age discrimination lawsuit if you tried that one in this country. There are plenty of HOT babes that are actually providing service and security in our aisles. This picture is proof! What do you know? I'm sure you only fly on Virgin , a private jet or one of your hot air balloons.

HELP!!! Hollywood Calls On A Former Flight Attendant's Classroom!

Paramount Pictures is about to release a new film based on the best selling novel, "The Kiterunner" by  Khaled Hosseini.  They are holding a classroom competition which requires adding your email to join the online club.  A friend of this blog (educator, artist and former flight attendant)  is currently the team captain in the #1 spot.  The "Showgirl Demi" photo on the left sidebar is her contribution and it would be much appreciated if any of you readers would join her club and help keep her classroom in the top spot!  Click on the link at the top of this blog (just above the date Nov 17) that says "Reading Runners" and you can help out this Las Vegas classroom.   If you would like to read this outstanding novel, it is available from the Amazon link on the sidebar. 

Thank you and GO READING RUNNERS!!!

Update on 1-1-09 

My friend has a new website and her project revenues are donated to help save Orangutans. She has talent and is working to benefit a great cause. I have replaced the club website with her personal one of  http://www.rebeccareeder.com  Check it out!

Airplane Flashbacks: "You have something on your nose."

Revealed here is a self portrait that leaves nothing to the imagination. It is a disgusting vision, that is certain. You may wonder why a woman would want to project such an image and how she has been able to maintain employment when you learn she has been seen in uniform wearing a similar decoration on her nose.


It is actually a therapeutic technique I have developed known as "Booger Therapy". I have used this effectively with males of all ages who are fearsome fliers. The booger is actually a piece of lime. Sometimes, I'll fall back on it out of boredom (mine or passengers) because it always causes somewhat of an uproar. Those that get the biggest kick out of this are boys in the age range of 5 to 12. I'll show them the trick and let them spring it on the unsuspecting.

There was once a precocious boy of about 10, traveling with his mother in first class to Maui. He was not having a good flight,so I showed him the joke.  I asked the boy if he was going to try it on his mother. His reply "It would be a lot funnier if you did it." I thought the better of it but he would not let up. Toward the end of the flight I relented and when they left the mother said it was the best flight she ever had because her son had such a fun time.
DISCLAIMER: If any of my readers are probationary flight attendants, I would wait until you are on the line for 6 months before you attempt it because it is certainly not management sanctioned.

Over many years, I have conducted a study using the lime booger. Flight attendants, who are not lime-booger savvy will say "You have something on your nose" to warn you not to walk out in the aisle. When I have visited the cockpit, male pilots will say NOTHING! Female pilots will usually warn me using the subtle "something on the nose" approach but if all the pilots are men, not a word! I have asked them the reason and they usually clam up. Never have been able to understand the reason for this.

Update as of June 2011... Booger therapy does not convey a professional image of authority that is needed in today's world so it was grounded some time ago. You may see it reappear in some earthbound restaurant locations.

HOBBS COULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER!

In the trading game of oneredpaperclip, which became an internet sensation, Hobbs lost out to a small Canadian town of Kipling. There is no doubt in my mind that the folks of Hobbs would have rallied in some kind of similiar competition had the backstory been public knowledge. When the offer was first presented to Kyle, he did not immediately respond so I contacted Stone Phillips of NBC, who had interviewed Kyle about the game. It was then that I discovered the Hobbs house was one of several offers and Kyle was taking time attempting to sort out everything. A lot of people became inspired by the simple and fun story. Now Kyle is the author of a book and is on tour. I am hopeful he will visit our town and see what he passed up!

The Offer: One Two Bedroom House for One Movie Role

Greetings from Hobbs, New Mexico, site of the Lea County Cowboy Museum
and your new home, if you accept my offer...Today, the city of Hobbs
unveiled the city's new slogan, "It All Happens Here," so apparently,
it does all happen here.

In trade for "One Movie Role", you will receive the free and clear deed
to "One 2 Bedroom House" in Hobbs, New Mexico.

The house, which is undergoing renovation in the heart of Hobbs, is on
S. Dalmont St. It's a diamond (not quite yet out of the rough) that is
only 15 minutes from Lea County Airport served by Mesa Airlines. Lea
County Airport will begin complete renovation in October of this year.

The people here are Hobbs greatest asset. Having traveled worldwide in
my job as a flight attendant, I can honestly say I have not encountered
a kinder, more welcoming and civic-minded group of folks than the
Hobbsans.

I acquired "One 2 Bedroom House" when I was looking for an affordable
yet desirable community in which to relocate. The airline I have been
employed by for 21 years, declared bankruptcy and my pension was lost.

Recently having been inspired by a library book; 'Life 2.0' by Rich
Karlgaard, I was seeking a community that matched the parameters
mentioned by the author but undiscovered by most of the world. Hobbs is
clearly a growing community with strong employment and in the midst of
a street beautification project 2 blocks from "One 2 bedroom House".

An aficionado of Ebay, I discovered the house and community when it was
listed for sale by a bail bondsman from Carlsbad, New Mexico. I talked
to him about the circumstance since I was not entirely comfortable with
the situation. He allayed my fears and as the winning bidder, my
friends now call me the land baroness. They have suggested I form an
alliance with Donald Trump.

As a subscriber to the local newspaper, the Hobbs News Sun, I read of
the community's efforts to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I
became acquainted with one of the community's volunteers, who
generously shared her contacts with me and put me in touch with other
local citizens who have been so helpful, even though I am a complete
outsider.

Although I am emotionally attached to this community, my airline has
now emerged from bankruptcy and since I still enjoy my job, the timing
for my relocation is no longer imminent. While on a layover in Sydney,
Australia, I learned of Kyle MacDonald and his creative trading of "One
Red Paperclip" so I considered the possibility of my house in Hobbs
fulfilling Kyle MacDonald's ultimate quest, should the right trade be
ventured.

"One Movie Role" will go to a deserving young woman (who happens to be
my daughter) named Jillian "Jillz" Trevors. Since at least the age of
5, she has declared her intention to have a life on the silver screen.
She has performed and taken various classes for the last 12 years. As
her mother, I have expressed concerns about the down side to this dream
but it is clearly her passion. I trust her level of maturity and have
heard how tough it is to get a break in the movie business.

Acceptance of this offer will rescue "Jillz" from relocation (when not
at school) to Hobbs. Her other true love, besides acting, is for Julian
"Julz". They were high school sweethearts and now attend college
together in Santa Barbara. Julz' only passion greater than his love of
Jillz, is for surfing and Hobbs is a long way from the ocean.

Just for clarification, the name Demi Kutcher is an identity I used for
an Academy Awards themed party. Everyone was supposed to impersonate a
celebrity and I chose Demi since passengers sometimes tell me I bear a
striking resemblance to Demi Moore. It could be that the lights were
low or the comments motivated in an effort to receive a free drink.
Just for the record, I am a HUGE fan of Corbin Bernsen.
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